My heart is heavy tonight.
A few days ago, we found out that my Grandma has lymph cancer (one of the quicker ones). I think part of me is still in that ‘is this real’ dream phase. The other part of me knows its all too real, and nothing is for sure.
They’re looking into possible treatment, but there are never any guarantees.
I just really wanted to ask for prayer for my grandma, and my grandpa. Would you please pray for them?
I am so thankful that no matter what happens, my Grandma is covered with the Lord’s Peace, and will follow wherever He directs the path, whether she gets a few more years here, or He calls her home.
But my Grandpa is taking it pretty hard. And my Grandma wants and needs all the prayer she can get, because no matter which direction is God’s Will, she wants to be covered in Prayer.
7 Incredibly Amazing Awe-Inspiring Things You Didn’t Know About Me
1. I’m not Incredibly Amazing or Awe-Inspiring… but my God is.
(Actually, I think you knew that one already! 😉 )
2. I positively LOVE LOVE LOVE Relient K, Owl City, and Mairead Nesbitt.
3. I’ve learned many (sometimes hard) lessons in Humility, Love, and Servanthood the last few weeks.
4. ♫ My God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY – there’s NOTHING my God cannot do ♫
5. I’m going to College (starting this Summer) to be a High School English Teacher.
6. I love it when Functionality meets Aesthetics and the two become best friends.
7. I’m so terribly sorry it’s taking me awhile to get back into posting, but I have a good excuse 😉 : 900 photos to go through before I can post anything about Belize, work has increased a bit (which is a good thing!), and I have almost 1400 pages to read by the 21st because the books I’ve been using for school (Photography, Home Economics, Music Theory, and Web Design) are due that day with absolutely no more renewals left.
*whew* That was a mouthful.
The Loverly Tagged People
(I tag both of you in spirit, Hannah and Krys, since you already won the awards. 😛 )
My heart is breaking as I write this.
We watched “K-19: The Widowmaker” tonight. (*disclaimer: we watched it with ClearPlay Filtering*) I wasn’t even going to watch it originally. My mom was watching it with my 12-year old brother, because he has the desire to join the army when he’s old enough, and this was a film she thought would be good for him to see. She didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it though. And I didn’t think I was going to watch it… but when it came down to it, I came into the living room and sheepishly took a seat on the couch between my younger siblings.
Boy, was I in for a surprise.
Not that it was so graphically shocking (though there were some moments!), as much as something about it hitting deep in my heart as the screen faded to black and the credits rolled.
You know, this last year and a half or so since we’ve started watching a few army/war/military-related movies, I’ve not wanted to watch a single one of them. And yet, I’ve ended up watching every one.
I’m not a person who enjoys war movies, or war games, or war or military anything. I (twice) briefly entertained the notion of joining the Navy, within the last year. But my thoughts never touched the serious reality that truly accompanies those paths. Weapons and military have always been the furthest from my idea of ‘enjoyment’, for lack of a better term. And so, whenever we were going to watch one of those movies, I never wanted to, because I tend to be deeply affected, and didn’t want to experience that heaviness. But for some reason, every time, I end up watching them anyway. And it always turns out to be the best decision.
Why? Not because of any sort of ‘enjoyment’, oh no. But because it is GOOD for me to be reminded of the sacrifices others have gone through. It is GOOD for me to remember that there are deeper and more important things in life than the frivolity we as a nation and culture and possibly world have become complacently accustomed to. I forget so often of the bigger world out there, the bigger issues, the more IMPORTANT things of life, and instead focus on my little world and become so distracted by all the ‘glitter and glamour’ of the world.
There is evil is the world, and billions of people are trapped, enslaved, suffering; whether it be in a spiritual way or physical; and we need to fight it!
There is darkness and pain and heaviness, and yet many times, we forget the trials and pains we’ve gone through, and forget the neediness of others, and chose to live as if the frivolous, the clothes, the decorations, the design, the ‘prettiness’ and looks is what matters! (When I say ‘we’, I truly mean ‘I’.)
There is something so very wrong with this way of thinking, this way of living.
My eyes were opened when I went on the trip to Belize. Living in America, I’ve become so used to having everything I need. I have gone through major heartache yes, but God has been faithful and provided everything we’ve needed. Yet, what do I do? Do I turn around and share what He’s shared with me to others? I thank Him most sincerely, but do I truly live out my gratitude? I’ve said I love Him and know that He loves me, but do I truly live like it?
No. The sad answer resounds as I look at myself for the selfish sinner that I am.
I saw so much in Belize, and learned so much, and was learning so much from it days after I came back. But when those days had passed, I fell back into weakness, and seemed to almost forget everything God had just shown me.
I am ashamed.
I am broken.
I could not even “stay awake one hour” with my Saviour.
I gave in to the distractions of this world, of the enemy.
So what does all this have to do with watching K-19?
Well somehow, God chose to use it to reach my wandering and hardening heart tonight. He chose to speak through my mom and through a parable of the relationship between the two Captains in the story.
See, the one thing with the military is that I always seem to find the most relate-able parables in it, in regards to what our life with Christ should be.
A Life of Service
God has enlisted us in his navy and placed us on his ship. The boat has one purpose—to carry us safely to the other shore. This is no cruise ship; it’s a battleship. We aren’t called to a life of leisure; we are called to a life
Each of us has a different task. Some, concerned with those who are drowning, are snatching people from the water. Others are occupied with the enemy, so they man the cannons of prayer and worship. Still others devote themselves to the crew, feeding and training the crew members.
Though different, we are the same. Each can tell of a personal encounter with the captain, for each has received a personal call . . . .
We each followed him across the gangplank of his grace onto the same boat. There is one captain and one destination. Though the battle is fierce, the boat is safe, for our captain is God. The ship will not sink. For that, there is no concern.
– Grace for the Moment
What I learned in K-19 was Surrendering to my Captain, and Trusting Fully in Him, even when it seems that He is making a decision that doesn’t make sense. For those of you who have never seen K-19, here’s a brief synopsis from IMDB:
The story of USSR’s first nuclear ballistic submarine, which suffered a malfunction in its nuclear reactor on its maiden voyage in the North Atlantic in 1961. The submarine’s crew, led by the unyielding Captain Alexei Vostrikov, races against time to prevent a Chernobyl-like nuclear disaster which threatens not only the lives of his crew, but has the potential to ignite a world war between the super powers.
What that doesn’t tell you though, is that before the launch, the sub was previously captained by Captain Mikhail Polenin (Liam Neeson), who was replaced by Captain Alexei Vostrikov (Harrison Ford) right before the voyage and made executive officer instead. Most of the men on the crew had previously sailed under the command of Captain Polenin, so you can imagine the tension between the two ‘Captains’, and various members of the crew, for the majority of this voyage.
But the beautiful thing, that taught me a lesson, was this:
Captain Vostrikov is not favored among the men, partly because they loved their previous captain and didn’t want the change of command, and partly because Vostrikov requires them to do many difficult tasks for seemingly no apparent reason. For the majority of the voyage, you think of him as a man with no regard for the crew who enjoys forcing them to do ridiculous things without any explanation, seemingly just because he says so. And there is a LOT of tension, and possibly some slight resentment, between him and Polenin, especially when one particular incident seems to go too far. But in the latter part of the movie, two of the crew-members basically take Vostrikov into custody, and transfer the power of command over to Polenin. Polenin shocks everyone by turning those two’s guns back on them, forcing them under arrest and confined to their quarters, and giving the power back to Vostrikov, who is the rightful Captain. Right after that, we discover that really, there is a reason (and good ones!) for all the demands that Vostrikov made on the crew.
This reminded me of how, when Christ becomes the Captain of our lives, we’re many times fine with it at first. But when He starts directing us in ways that we don’t understand, and don’t like, we’re quick to want to take back control.
Polenin taught me the importance of surrendering control of my life and trusting my Captain implicitly. And if we can imagine a human captain worth following, how much more so can we trust our Heavenly Captain who is infallible and never fails? We don’t have to worry that He may not know what He’s doing. It may be painful, but we can trust that it’s for a good reason, even though it’s so hard to go through.
I guess what I mean to say is, God has shown me tonight how I need to follow Him on a deeper level than I have been. I need to go below the surface. I have Surrendered my life to my Captain, and now I need to live it out following and trusting Him. I need to grow in His Love, and Live a Life of Love. I need to be patient with my brother. I need to truly think about and know the meaning of what it means to follow Him and His teachings. It’s so easy to ‘know’ something in your head, but not truly know what it really means in your heart. Do you know what I mean?
And you know, it’s not just “I need to do this, and I need to do that.” It’s what is. It’s that things have changed… not need to change, but have. I have given control to Jesus and need to leave it there, not take it back.
I know this has been a long, wordy post, and I’m sorry my thoughts probably aren’t very clear (this is pretty much all raw, unedited writing). I also wasn’t expecting this to be my “I’m back!” post. But it just came, and I needed to share with you guys.
*sigh*. I’m so tired, I hope this all actually made sense.
I promise Belize posts, etc. are coming soon! (when my mind is thinking clearer!) And thank you so much for all your sweet comments; I’ll write back asap!
OH! And just so you all know….. my little cousin Levi was born this last Tuesday! (February 23rd) So, pics coming soon.
Love you all. God bless you.
I hope to be in a better (not so tired) frame of mind tomorrow! (and if so then I might make a few edits/additions. 😉 )
~Good night, Kimmy~
I will be leaving very shortly on an exciting adventure! The plane leaves Friday morning (the 12th) at 6:30 AM, so it’s going to be an EARLY morning, and a very long day!
(And there’s so much to be done in this little bit of remaining time…)
We would very much appreciate all your prayers, the whole week. I can’t wait to share the adventures when I return!
But while I’m gone, I wanted all of your opinions on something…
I am contemplating moving to Blogger.
Now, nothing’s set in stone, and I don’t really know how I feel about the idea yet, one way or the other.
So I wanted your input. What do you think?
(note: If I move to Blogger, I will most likely be changing the blog’s name. But we’ll worry about that later.)
Also, I’ll be gone ’til the 19th, so even though your comments won’t show until I get back and approve them, know that I WILL get them. 🙂
Love and hugs to all, and thank you so much for your prayers!
Who are these guys you may ask?
Well, they just so happen to be my grandpa’s band.
That’s right! My Grandpa Cal (my mom’s dad) was in a band called The Gospel Express back in the late 60’s-early 70’s, when they were all in college (that’s also when/where he met my grandma, married, and had my mom.) After college, the group disbanded.
thanks to Facebook, 6 of the 7 original members were able to reconnect last Fall! The result was my grandparents taking a week-long trip back out to California, to sing and play together again, about 40 years later!
Tonight, my grandparents came over, and they shared the special memories they had made.
I know that trip was an incredible opportunity for them, a very special gift from God.
They brought us back a CD, pictures, a T-shirt, and the CUTEST coffee magnets ever! (pictures later), and my mom and I have been listening to it all evening.
Can I just say, I am so proud of my grandpa!
He has walked a rather rough road at times, but he continues to follow the Lord. He is one of my heroes. And you know… I didn’t really realize that before now!
But he is. He’s an inspiration to me.
If you’d like to see a bit more about their group, (they also hope to be able to get together a few more times) check this link to their Facebook Group Page.
Here are some great pictures…
(Grandpa Cal is 2nd from the right; fair hair, striped shirt.)
(Same guys, same place, same order, missing 1.)
And this one I just discovered of me and my grandpa from last Christmas (as in, ’08):
Now, both my grandpa and I will be taking trips of a new and different sort… He, to Argentina for a little over a week (leaving tomorrow and returning next Monday), and I, to Belize for a week (leaving Friday and returning the following same.)
And we’re both hoping that my aunt doesn’t have her baby while we’re gone!
I never thought I’d do it.
I ALWAYS said I wouldn’t.
But now it seems that I really have no choice.
I now have a Twitter. Not that anyone will really follow me, and
that wasn’t really the purpose anyways.
But my Best Friend got one, and because her tweets are protected,
I have to have one to be able to see hers.
Obviously, I’m not going to go crazy with it;
and you will hardly ever read anything
about my personal life.
But I figured, while I have it, I might as well make it look pretty.
Who knows? Maybe every so often I might actually update it with an inspiring quote,
or bit of a song lyric, or a beautiful Scripture.
That’s right… The Wordsmiths is finally here! 😀
The web-url is: http://s1.zetaboards.com/thewordsmiths/index/
So, I hope you think the design is alright. I know it’s kind of colorful, but all the pictures I found that had a more old-fashioned, ‘wood-y’ feel were either too dark, too claustraphobic-feeling, or just plain didn’t seem right. When I found the picture you see there, I thought I could easily see a group of us gathering together on those comfy chairs, laughing, talking, and helping each other with our work. 🙂
Now it’s still got a little ways to go, but I’d like your help and input! Hannah and Krys, you guys would like to be staff-members, correct? (If not, that’s ok.) If anyone else would like to be a staff-member as well, let me know, and I’ll see what we can arrange. 🙂
I’m so excited to get this thing started! See you there!